Wedding Ministers Civil Officiants
The Good Relationship We Have
With Our Wedding Officiant:
How Do We Keep It Going Strong?
The following words are not typical for a site that connects wedding ministers officiants with engaged couples. We have this page because we strongly believe that good communication between the engaged couple and their minister officiant is essential in keeping the relationship going really well.
What is ‘really well’? It is what automatically happens when there’s a good strong connection (you like each other, so-to-speak. It feels good). ‘Really well’ means each of your two needs matter to the officiant and the officiant’s needs matter to each of you. All three needs matter.
Really well means you two communicate in a way that makes it likely your officiant will hear you and the officiant minister communicates in a way that makes it likely you two will hear them.
Really well means if there is a misunderstanding (which can happen with us imperfect humans), it can be restored quite quickly with skillful communication; mainly empathy and honesty.
In this light, it’s important to understand that when an “issue” occurs (depending on the eye of the beholder), it will be seen as a problem or an opportunity. See problem? Problem. See big problem? Big problem. See no problem? No problem. See opportunity? Opportunity. See big opportunity? Big opportunity. I think you get the point.
Dictionary.com defines opportunity as “a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success”.
To say it another way: when someone in a relationship ‘hears’ judgment, they can think they’re were attacked or seen as bad or wrong and are likely to also think they should defend against the ‘attack’ and, therefore, will use the energy they were using to listen, to fend against the ‘attack’. You may notice this normal human dynamic in relationships.
I’m going to pause here because I’ve learned that while bringing up a topic like this on a wedding site in intended as a useful tool, it can seem negative. Like: “Why write all this on a site about beautiful wedding ceremonies”? “Why mention what could go wrong?” I sincerely understand this question. I understand that the question is asked because we all always want everything to go well and we don’t want ‘issues’. I do hear your concern.
My response: Us humans are imperfect (me for sure) and as a result there will be misunderstandings, My writing about this is positive because it preventively addresses situations that happen a lot in relationship, including officiant-couple relationships.
It’s also positive because I’m positive about contributing support to you two so you can remember to recognize a misunderstanding when it happens – so you can attend to it sooner than later (not spotting a misunderstanding when it first happens can make it harder to restore). P.S. You may still see this as a negative and that’s ok.
My hope is that you consider a view like this: “Hey, I certainly don’t prefer misunderstandings -who does?- but now I have an awareness about what to do should there be a misunderstanding. I’m not going to look for and ‘issue’ but, should one come, I will be prepared.”
There is more to say on this subject including about what ‘honesty’ is and ‘how to be honest’ and how important the need “being heard” is. We all want honest communication but we want it delivered caringly. We all want to be heard but without judgment, evaluation or diagnosis.